More Squirrels

I went to a park today for no good reason. The park has lots of big trees. The first thing I noticed was a squirrel. It came to within like ten feet of me to pick up a nut. Then it sat there and ate it right in front of me. It kept looking at me the whole time. Then some guy, who dropped a couple of his kids at the park to run around, was talking to me and then stopped in the middle of a sentence and said “squirrel.” Just like that. I looked and, sure enough, there was another squirrel. Then the guy left. And there I was being stared at by two squirrels.

Then I noticed that there weren’t only two of them. The park was crawling with squirrels. They were everywhere. I’m not kidding. They were on the ground and in the trees. And all of them, I swear, all of them were sort of keeping me in the corners of their eyes, like I couldn’t be trusted or something. All I could think of was that I was surrounded by squirrels in the park. It was very freaky.

Now I’m home remembering the dead squirrel I wrote about a few days ago, which I won’t repeat myself about again. But that squirrel won’t go away. It’s dead, for crying out loud, but there it is in my mind. I believe that the squirrels in the park knew about the dead squirrel I dumped into my neighbor’s backyard. They knew, I’m telling you. They knew that I didn’t treat that dead squirrel with dignity but just dumped it, no funeral, no last words, no respect. It was their brother (or sister, I didn’t look that close) and I had treated it like a dead squirrel.

Now I’m dealing with the dead omen thing again. I’m also dealing with the fact that now the whole squirrel nation hates me. I can tell they hate me because of the way they looked at me. I don’t think I can handle this.

So I’m going to post a eulogy to that dead squirrel right here on this blog so everybody will know just how to treat a dead squirrel with dignity, not like me who dumped it into his neighbor’s backyard. This is going to be a eulogy with lots of respect for dead squirrels. And maybe after you read it you will tell the squirrels in your area about it. Word will get back to the squirrels in the park that I did the right thing. Then maybe they’ll leave me alone and not stare at me. Otherwise I don’t know what I’ll do. Probably never go to the park again.

So I’m going to think about this eulogy to the dead squirrel and write it here on this blog. I’ll call it “Eulogy for a Dead Squirrel” or something else with dignity like “Squirrels Forever.” If that doesn’t do the trick, then I don’t know what. I keep thinking of all those people in the world dying of disease and hunger and war who have never had to deal with a dead squirrel. They don’t know what it’s like so I don’t expect sympathy from them one bit. But if you’ve ever seen a dead squirrel, maybe you can sympathize with me. If you haven’t, well then I guess you just have to do your best.

That’s all I have to say about that, except for the eulogy thing which I just talked about. I’m going to work on that right now.

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One Response

  1. Squirrels like nuts, what can we say? You qualify! Standing by for that eulogy.

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