Miss America

I am for Miss America. Even though I don’t pay any attention to the contest, I am still happy that we have a Miss America due to the fact that this is a wholesome thing. Miss America represents America by her being smiley and vacatious.  She goes to little towns and sits in cars in parades waving to American people smiling too. She also wears that strip of paper around her all the time so people know that she is not just some girl but she is Miss America. This is why I’m for Miss America. It’s pretty obvious as far as I can see about it.

A couple of summers ago I went back to North Dakota to visit my mom and dad who happen to live there which is why I went to that state instead of California or Costco. My dad grew up in a town called Deering which has only about maybe 150 people living there. It’s got a main street with a bar and a post office and a grungy grocery store with a cafe that has cement floors and is owned by a guy named Phil who has bad teeth but is friendly. He comes to talk to you when you come in and laughs at your jokes which wouldn’t be so bad except for the fact that I think he actually thinks they are funny. Three days a week my mom and dad go to Phil’s for lunch because Phil has a subsidy from the government to sell lunch to old people for like 4 bucks which works for old people like you wouldn’t believe. So whenever I go to visit my mom and dad they always take me to Deering to have lunch at Phil’s for 4 bucks only. I kind of cheat because I use a lot of catchup to drown on the grease taste which North Dakota farmers like. I forgot to mention that the coffee there is the ultimate bad coffee that you would expect in a small town cafe with a cement floor run by a guy named Phil with bad teeth, but I don’t make a big deal about that since it would be useless anyway and besides my mom and dad like that kind of bad coffee being they are pretty much North Dakotans through and through.

Well, a couple of summers ago I was visiting them and we drove into Deering to have our 4 dollar lunch at Phil’s. Just as we were entering the door to the Quonset hut (which I forgot to tell you Phil’s cafe and dingy grocery store is in) these two women come out and the older one gives my dad a hug. I figured since my dad is over 80 that the woman probably knew him already. Anyway, it turned out that this was the mother of the other woman standing there who was really tall.

Okay, now you will probably not believe me for sure since on this one, but I promise I’m telling the truth. This younger woman was MISS USA!  I am not joking! It just so happened that her mom grew up in Deering and so they were back visiting during the Deering reunion thing (which I also forgot to tell you about which is one of the reasons I was there in North Dakota in the first place). So there I am standing right in front of Miss USA in front of Phil’s cafe in Deering!

Well, the main issue was that she wasn’t wearing her paper strip for one thing and wasn’t even in a bathing suit and high heels like you would expect for somebody in her position of glamorousness so you can’t blame me for not realizing her Miss USA personality right off the bat. But my dad told me about her and then I did a double take but not wowed like some dopey person. I was very cool about the whole thing and only just for a moment imagined her in a bathing suit before I said hi. This was pretty impressive if you want to know what I think about it.

I know Miss USA isn’t the exact same thing as Miss America. Miss USA doesn’t have to sing or be a ventriloquist. All she has to do is have a nice shape and can smile for at least 2 hours strait which is hard if you’ve ever tried to do it like I have once on a bet with my sister.

So like I said I am for Miss America but not as gung ho for Miss USA which isn’t as cherry pie as they say. They are both about this country and I’m for women in general. Except for Whoopi Goldstein who really gives me the creeps.

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