Palm Sunday Adventure

I am not superstitches one bit which you should know by now I hope. I think above my mind where truth doesn’t get confluted with reality. That greek guy Plato was the first guy to invent thinking above your mind except another greek guy called Aristotle put the name to it that it goes by—megaphysics. This is a pure case of one guy inventing something and another guy stealing it and doing marketing. It’s kind of like the iPad. I read that a guy named Mark Zuckleberg invented the pad idea and along comes Steve Jobs who sticks a stupid i on the front of it and gets all the credit. That Zuckleberg probably only got a few bucks to pay for the plastic and Steve Jobs gets all the fame and money for it. This is what makes this country so great. You can make tons of money on a i if you know where to stick it.

Anyway, like I say, I don’t go normally go in for weird beliefs. I used to believe in Santa but I pretty much gave up on that a couple of years ago. College can do that to a person eventually. But I’m not against every weird belief, especially if it’s a tradition. Traditions are things that don’t make sense but you still do them just because. If enough other people do it too then you have a religion. If it wasn’t for traditions then religion would peter out. Tradition also saves a lot of time so you don’t have to make up stuff on the fly. Why invent the wheel as they say? Tradition means religion doesn’t have to have wheels. It just sits there all by itself.

One of my traditions comes on Palm Sunday weekend. Actually, I only started it this morning so it’s a brand new tradition I’m trying out for size. I was driving to the garden store to pick up some organical dirt which comes in bags. I didn’t even know there was such a thing as organical dirt until somebody I won’t mention said they wanted some to plant something in. I looked incredilust at that person and said in a high pitched voice “organical dirt? what kind of stupid thing is that?” (I also used a lot of gestures too.) Well, that went over like a lead brick and there I was driving to the garden store to pick up a bag of it even though I totally don’t believe in buying something called organical dirt which is a total scam. How can you have dirt that’s not organical I ask to myself. I didn’t dare say it out loud for sure. But in the car on the way to the garden store I yelled out to myself very loud “why don’t they just call it iDirt?” Sometimes you just have to get stuff like that out of your cistern.

So as I’m driving I see this sign with a hand that says palm reader and open 24 hours. Maybe it’s because it’s Palm Sunday weekend or maybe because I totally don’t want to buy organical dirt but I turn that car right into the little parking lot. The house looked kind of shabby but I figured that gypsies weren’t known for nice yards anyway so I went in the door which was creaky and needed some paint.

So I walk in a little office filled with paperback books. The air in there is kind of smokey and smells like incest from the 60s and there’s this wavery tinny music playing. A middle age lady wearing lots of beads and rings is sitting at a desk doing something on a computer which is weird to me that a gypsy would use a computer in the first place but I figure I am already there so I might as well go ahead with it anyway. I show her my hand and say can you read this and she says 35 dollars faster than you can shake a cat. Since she takes credit cards I figure what the heck and pay. I sit down in this raggy chair next to the desk and she takes my hand and starts looking. Then she types something in her computer. This goes back and forth for about ten minutes until she says okay and hits a button and a whole list of things comes up on her screen. She prints it out and hands a paper to me and says thanks and then just up and leaves like she had to go to the bathroom or something. So I stand there with my paper for a couple of minutes thinking I should at least get a chant or key ring or something for my 35 bucks but she doesn’t come back and so I go back to my car. I huff and say “what a gyp” to myself. (Which I think is a great joke considering that I made it up under psychic pressure if you ask me.)

Still, I felt kind of ripped off with the whole thing I’m not afraid to tell you. 35 bucks is 35 bucks. So I go buy the organical dirt and go back home and give it to you know who. But I rolled my eyes very big as I handed it over to say I can’t believe I just wasted $11.99 on dirt except without using words. And I sure wasn’t going to tell her about the gypsy you can bet. I figured two lead bricks would be a bit much for one day in my house.

Anyway, I finally had the chance to look at my paper that I got from the gypsy. Here’s what it said:

Your hand shows the head line, (lower of the two running across the hand) being tightly bound to the life line, showing both caution and sensitivity, coupled with short and low set little finger, meaning a late developer emotionally. The forked end to the headline, gives both indecision and mental flexibility. You have a split head line ending in what is often called the writers fork, this sign with a large first or Jupiter finger, which always tells of a karmic need and this finger being slightly pointed and spiritual, coupled to this being your internal hand, instructs us that you, a intellectual leader feels compelled to write a” how to do book,” on many subjects.

Well, I can tell you that I was totally flubbergasted even if I don’t believe in weird beliefs. It probably would have been cheaper to go to church, but this palm reading hit the nail in my head as far as I am concerned and proved that there’s more to this universe than everything.

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