Good Friday vs Earth Day

Good Friday is all about sin as far as I can tell from it. They call it good but it’s really just the opposite if you ask me. It’s a day everybody is supposed look into their selves and find anything bad in there that God might want to kill them for. So calling it good Friday is kind of like calling Greenland Greeenland when it’s mostly not at all. It was a promotional gimmick to get people to move there. They tried that once with North Dakota by taking the north part off but all the settlers ended up in Florida by mistake so they put it back on but by then it was too late and the only people who ended up there were some Lutherans from Norway who were lost already.

Anyway, I read this article which was about sins. They talked about the seven deadliest ones from the Cathonic church during the Middle earth period. I’ve heard about them before but I never knew what they were. The article listed them straight out but I still couldn’t figure out what was so bad about them exactly. Take the lust one for example. How can that be deadly except if you got caught or something? Maybe it was before they had penisillan. I suppose the gluteny one could be deadly if you’re allergic to it, but now you can get all kinds of food that doesn’t have it in.

Mostly I don’t get how you can rank sin by its deadness anyway. How is one more dead than another? Take a knife and a pillow. Which one is deadlier I ask you? Maybe you’re using a knife to spread peanut butter on a poor kid’s bread or something and then you turn around and bang him on the head with that pillow really hard over and over again like say for seven days nonstop. So say he gets really tired of that pillow banging on his head after seven days and grabs that knife and slices that pillow up so that the stuff goes all over and isn’t a pillow anymore. That knife has just probably saved his life. Then say you get mad at that kid because he wrecked your favorite pillow and so you tackle him and take that knife away from him and then start jabbing it in that sandwich which he didn’t get to start eating because of the pillow hitting. You jab and jab until there is peanut butter and bread crumbs all over the place. So he gets mad at you, but it pretty much ends there because he’s poor and so hungry he doesn’t have any more energy and just gives up. So you just laugh at him because even if you have a wrecked pillow you still have the knife and he doesn’t have anything.

Now I ask you, how are you going to rank all that? Well you can’t which is why the middle earth died out a long time ago. They were just too much into stuff like that do bother inventing modern life which was left to the Renovation to invent. And I’m thankful they did mostly because of electricity. You basically had your choice either sin or electricity. I guess you know where I would come down on it.

guiltAnyway, the whole idea of sin is weird anyway. It’s like bad except worse, like bad times bad or something. And then you are supposed to have guilt about that badness which is like multiplying the whole thing by bad again. And then if you are religious you have to figure in hell which is like bad infinity multiplied by all the other bads so far. This gives you an idea of what they’re working with here.

But if you are not religious it ends up even worse. You can’t get into heaven because you can’t get in without religion but you also can’t get to hell either because you don’t believe in it. So there you are stuck in nowhere with all this sin stuck to you. Your pillow is half full as they say. This is not such a great place to hang out mostly because they probably don’t have entertainment. So I suppose it’s better to believe in religion so at least you have a place to go after you’re dead. The other option is total boringness forever.

So you can see that sin is a circulous contraption especially if you aren’t good at it. I would call it a megaphysical issue but it’s more religious which I don’t want to be interrupted with on this great blog. Maybe it falls on the line sort of. Like lust which can be bad or good depending upon how much it costs and for how long. Maybe it would be better to just lump all the middle earth sins together into one modern sin lump and have it apply to everything like health care which I don’t want at all because they will probably make everybody share needles because of the cost.

Maybe this religious confladiction is why some people want to turn Good Friday into Earth Day. They don’t want to think about why God wants to kill them but instead they want to get all protracted about the ocean and trees and everything which is totally lame if you ask me about it. Even unreligious people should take some time to think about why God wants to kill them. Compared to Good Friday, Earth Day is so pansy.

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2 Responses

  1. Brilliant, as usual, in its understatement. Love the tongue in cheek tone; sadly, on a daily basis, I see many essays held together by worse malapropisms and containing many, many more typographical errors because I am an English teacher 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

  2. First of all, God doesn’t ‘want to kill’ anyone.
    Jesus died in our place so we would not have to die for our sins. Whoever believes in Him will not die, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)

    With that out of the way, amusing post.

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