Modern art

This is a modern art painting. It is called modern art because you can’t tell what it is supposed to be. That is what makes modern art modern as far as I can tell about it. If you can tell what it’s supposed to be then it’s not modern art probably. Take for example a painting of a kitty. No, how about a squirrel. Now a painting about a squirrel that looks like a squirrel would not be a modern art painting. It would be a squirrel painting which is not the same thing. If you like squirrels which I do if you happen to know about me, then a squirrel painting might be something you would buy and hang on your wall. But then you are stuck with a squirrel painting plain and simple. But if you buy a modern art painting you can have it be whatever you want.

Take for example the modern art painting at the top. I could say that it was a painting of a squirrel. Or maybe it could be a painting of what I feel like when I think of a squirrel. Or maybe it could be what a squirrel feels like eating nuts. Or maybe it is a painting about a dead squirrel in my backyard which was a bad experience for me as you would know if you have been following along this great blog.

But maybe it’s not about a squirrel even one bit. Maybe that modern art painting is about the pope. All those colors sploshed together could be about the pope if you wanted it to be. A person could even say, hey I see the pope’s funny red cowboy hat in that painting, except he could not say it “looks like the pope’s red cowboy hat” because then it wouldn’t be modern art. So about all you can say is the pope wears a red cowboy hat sometimes and this modern art painting makes me think about that red cowboy hat when it’s not about a dead squirrel.

The thing that makes people like modern art mostly is that it makes them feel arty. They will stand in front of a splosh of paint all day just to feel arty and better than other people. As soon as some dumb person comes over and says “hey, that’s a cool painting” they will hate that painting because somebody who is dumb likes it. Modern art people want to be apart from normal people. That is why they pay big money for sploshes of paint when they could get the same stuff from a day care center for cheap.

Which brings up another thing about modern art. You can take any piece of junk and nail it to the floor or hang it on a wall. As soon as you do that then it turns into art. Think of it this way, junk is junk if it stays where you found it. Modern art is junk that’s been moved someplace on purpose to look at it. This works pretty much except for your shed or garage which is still junk unless you invite people to look at the junk in your garage and give them a glass of wine. Then it’s modern art but only if it makes you feel arty. If looking at the junk in your garage doesn’t make you feel arty even after 2 or 3 glasses of wine then you probably should just forget it. Oh, and you can’t do modern art drinking beer. Beer is for sports. Wine is for modern art. That is a rule about it. Never drink wine and watch football or basketball at the same time. And never drink beer around modern art. That is a sure way to to be spotted as a normal person.

The last thing I want to say about modern art is what I started to say before I interrupted myself. Modern art costs a lot of money. Some modern art paintings go for millions of dollars. Take Pistachio or that Polack guy. You can’t even own one of their sploshed paintings unless you are rich. Personally I don’t care much about that. I figure I can splosh my own paint if I want to. Not only that, I’ve got tons of junk in my shed just waiting to be nailed to my wall.


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