JUDGMENT DAY

Today is Judgment Day, at least until closing time anyway. Even if they don’t finish up they’ll most likely quit at five due to the fact that they probably don’t want to pay overtime for this. Personally I’m not really too worried about Judgment Day too much due to the fact that I’m pretty good at the megaphysical business which God is in even if he doesn’t know it exactly. As you already should know if you have been reading this great blog, I think above my mind more than anybody and that should pretty much impress God I would think being as he is required to be megaphysical in order to be God in the first place. It’s one of those fundamentalist laws of the universe which even God can’t skirt and get away with it.

Most people are afraid of judgment day because they think that’s when God is going to kill them for all the bad stuff they have done. But that’s only if you believe the bible (which I accidentally looked at once). Judgment Day is a bible holiday like Christmas and Halloween. Which means if you believe the bible you have to be afraid of it in respect of the bible. What good is the bible if you read it and ignore all the holidays in it? This is what you call a religious obstetrician issue which I won’t be interrupted by in this great blog.

So if you don’t read the bible and are not religious then Judgment Day is what you call an optional holiday kind of like Sinco de Milo or Kawabunga which are totally bogus anyway for Americans who could care less about holidays smuggled in from Mexico or New Orleans. Circumcision got through the border somehow which I can’t explain so I won’t mention it. Anyway, since most people don’t believe the bible they will not have to be a part of Judgment Day like the bible believers have to, but since as far as I know nobody gives gifts or lights firecrackers or has picnics on Judgment Day it’s not like there’s all that much to miss in my opinion.

The main issue with Judgment Day is that nobody is supposed to know when it is. As Ben Franklin said, “But about that day or hour no one knows.” Of course, this makes it really hard to plan for and so every so often somebody decides to have it anyway. It’s like President’s Day which is not anybody’s birthday only put on a Monday so mailmen can have the day off which is okay except if you are a president and want your birthday on your birthday which I totally would.

Anyway, the problem with just deciding that it’s Judgment Day for the sake of having it makes it hard to get anybody to show up for it, even if you add up a bunch of numbers to impress people. Who would like a holiday based on math anyway (except for July 4th which has to be on that date in order to work right). It would be easier if Hallmark decided to sell Judgment Day cards due to the fact that a holiday without a card connected to it is pretty much lame no matter what numbers you use. I’m guessing that if Hallmark came out with Judgment Day cards then we could all get more on board with it. That and maybe if stores had annual Judgment Day sales.

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2 Responses

  1. I’m guessing by now people in Australia should be emailing their relatives in the US letting them know they’re not ther any more …. or something like that.

  2. I was really hoping for some rain today….

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