In America we like things big. If it is bigger then it is better. Except for maybe cavities or headaches or Kirstie Alley. Mostly we like big if it is bigger than other people’s. My big is not as cool if it is not as big as your big. This is the law in America. Anybody who says they are okay with smaller is a communist or religious heratic.

In America we don’t like smaller. This is why we had to take over all of the continent. We wanted all the land for ourselves so what we couldn’t buy outright we sent armies to get for the good of the country. We stopped at Mexico and Canada mostly due to the fact that we didn’t really want them. Mexico was too dusty and had cheap hats, and Canada was too cold and the people talked funny. They talk too fast in Mexico but we don’t understand them so it’s no big deal.

But we also like big cars and houses and like to have jobs with huge celeries. We like lots of TV channels and giant sports stadiums. The funny thing is that we don’t like fat people very much. In that case we like them smaller and advertise Jenny Craig or Nutrifaction so people can loose fatness without working at it or stopping eating a lot. This is called irony or maybe stupid.

We also like to have a big God in America. As far as I’ve heard the Bible does not call God big. That is America’s invention of him. He’s probably not a fat god either. But we don’t want a medium size god over here. We want a supersize God, the biggest God in the world—as long as we don’t have to pay extra. So since God is pretty cheap in America we can take an extra helping of him without worrying about wasting him.

Anyway, that’s pretty much all I have to say about this subject since I have lost interest in it already.


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