Summer Solstice

It’s supposedly the first day of summer. This happens at least once a year when the sun is in a certain place that is called the solstice. I think it’s when the sun lines up with that rock thing in France. That’s how the early people knew it was summer since they didn’t have calendars back then. They stuck up these huge rocks and when the sun shined on them then everybody knew it was safe to start summer. But since those rocks were way out in the middle of nowhere, not everybody could just stop by to see if they could take a vacation. So history is filled with people who were all mixed up which led to wars and religion in some places. One guy named Gregory got pretty much fed up with trying to schedule things based on those rocks and invented  the calendar. At first he just used smaller rocks but they were hard to hang on the wall so he ended up using paper with squares. After they invented numbers he added those to the squares. Then some Eskimo on Kodak island (where they have these huge bears) thought of putting pictures at the top of each month and that led to Hallmark who took over scheduling holidays except for summer and winter which are based on rocks instead of greeting cards.

Anyway, some people celebrate the summer solstice by dancing naked in a group. Usually this takes place in the middle of nowhere where things like that usually take place at. Some people get naked at the rock place in France where summer was invented in the first place. Dancing naked in the city is not as popular and usually gets you arrested unless there’s a pole involved. I’ve heard that solstice nakedness is very spiritual though a butt is a butt in my book.

Which reminds me of that one time I was at the Black Sea in Russia one summer. My host was a fat Russian guy and he decided we should go to the beach to swim since it was at least 50 degrees out. So he hauls me down to this beach which was more a bunch of sharp rocks than a beach. The place was covered with other fat Russians who came to get a tan in the sun. Except for a few walking spaces the whole beach was covered with fat Russians lying on blankets with their rubles hanging out for everybody to see. And the weird thing was that most of the fat men wore speedos and the fat women wore string bikinis. It was like the beach was covered with albino beluga whales. I’m not joking.

Anyway, so my host takes his clothes off right then and there and he had a speedo thing underneath. He handed me his clothes and went into the water. So there I stood in my American respectivity in the middle of all those white fat Russians and I thought to myself that this was not my idea of a good time except I did wonder what I would do if I had a harpoon. I’m telling you, it’s almost impossible to be megaphysical in a situation like that.

Anyway, it’s officially summer now except on the other side of the world where their rocks are on a different time zone.

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One Response

  1. With naked dancers, there must be a lot of “moon” when the sun lines up with those rocks…

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