Fake books

I know what a book looks like. It’s made of paper and has a cover and pages with words printed all over them. That’s the definition of a book since the beginning of time. You can have a banana and you can have a book. There is no problem with having both of them at the same time except for those little stringy banana strings that can stick to your fingers. So maybe it should be an apple instead but definitely not an orange which is all drippy and even worse than a banana which isn’t drippy unless it’s a really really brown one which you probably wouldn’t be eating anyway unless it was in banana bread which is totally good with books if you’re careful not to drop crumbs on the book which get stuck in the corner and leave spots.

Anyway, today there is this big deal about what they call ebooks. These are little TVs that you hold in your hand and pretend to read stuff on. Companies like Brooks and Stratton, Books without Borders, and Amazon. com are trying to confuse people that these little TVs are books. They are trying to change the definition of  books so that the people of this great country swallow their ebooks crook line and stinker. They are doing this so they can sell you just words without putting them in a book. This is total fakeness to the max of it. I would even call it misreprehentation which is a legal word that those fake book companies are trying to skirt around by changing the definition of books to stay out of jail.

There is nothing worse than seeing somebody pretend to themselves that they are reading a book when they are using one of those ebook things. They are fooling themselves plaid and simple due to the fact that they are not really reading a book but liking the idea of having a gadget. This is the same thing that happened when they invented the telephone. People pretended to be talking to each other but they were just playing around with the telephone. In my opinion of it, nobody has ever had a real conversation with each other since the telephone was invented. It used to be that people sat down on their porch like in Andy Griffith and just sat there for a long time. When you are on your porch you don’t even have to say anything to have a good conversation. Maybe every 15 minutes or so you might say “yep” or yawn or something but that was about all you needed. Now days you have to invent stuff to say that you don’t even mean or that doesn’t make sense even at all, like texting as an example for instance that I talked about before and won’t repeat myself now for the sake of saying it again.

Anyway, I am totally against the fake book movement. Due to the fact that I am megaphysical I am against fakeness period. Fakeness is the enema of reality and keeps people from appreciating even more important things than that like thinking above your mind which you should know by now that I do most of the time. Fake is fake and there is no other way to take it, except I suppose that you could say that something is a “real fake” (like one of those cheap Rolodex watches you can buy in France or Canada or those fake perfumes that have the name Channel on them but are just somebody’s toilet water with coloring added) but saying something is a “real fake” is more like saying it is a “fake real” thing which is closer to the reality of fakeness which is the opposite of reality totally or it wouldn’t be fake at all.

So you can buy one of those Kindlings or Nukes or Eyepads if you want but don’t come showing it to me and brag about how many “books” it holds. I will most likely just smile at you and feel sorry that you bought a barrel of carts. I know what a book is and I am not going to be lulled into fakeness for the sake of coolness. As somebody famous (who I can’t remember right now) once said, “You can have a tree and a cow but only one of them makes a good hamburger.”

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One Response

  1. I am with you fred! standing against all “fakes” that try to convince us they are real books. Who cares if you can carry enough reading material to keep you occupied on any length trip in your pocket without straining your back hauling around paper and ink? What fun is it I ask you, if you don’t have to spend the whole time before take-off pushing, shoving and kicking to get your carry on under the seat in front of you? I have heard the “very important emergency exit information” a billion times at least and if I thought for one minute I was going to need any of that information, I wouldn’t be on the plane in the first place. So leave me with my paper and ink real books, and keep your mini TV to yourself!

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