I am not just a megaphysical expert I’ll have you know. I am also into the preforming arts like singing and dancing and acting. As a point of facts, I am right now in a play called Brigadoon. This is the poster for it to show you that I’m not joking about it. If you are not artistic like me you may not know what Brigadoon is about unless you cheat and look it up on Wikipedia. But I will save you the time and tell you that it is about this town in Scottsdale that only appears for a day every 100 years. This is due to a spell that God put on it to save it from witches. Since it is a musical they have to have some romance mixed in to give people a reason to break out singing in the middle of life which is not normal in real life so they have this American guy who doesn’t live in town meet a girl who does live in town and they fall in love and that’s the excuse for everybody to sing out of nowhere. They expect audiences to believe that love does that kind of thing and maybe it would if you could have an orchestra there to back you up if you got the urge. Anyway, that’s pretty much the story of the play except for some fake sex scenes they call innuendo which is everybody knows what you’ve been doing but don’t talk about it due to the fact that it’s a family show. I am not a part of those fake sex scenes I’ll have you know, mostly due to the fact that they think I’m too old to pull off fake sex but even if they did my wife would most likely not be all that excited for me to have fake sex with anybody but her.

One of the things about this play is that the guys all have to wear dresses that they call kilts to keep you from feeling weird about it. At first that kilt feels a little breezier than a pants guy is used to but after awhile you kind of like it but you don’t want to talk about it much in case everybody starts thinking your converting into that sort of thing. To make matters worse you have to wear this little purse with tassels on it. That’s bad enough for a wallet kind of guy like me, but the weirdest thing is that you have to hang it right over your you-know-what which makes everybody look there and expectorate what you might have off-stage so to speak. It’s kind of like the fake sex I already talked about except with nothing to show for it. Not only that, when you walk those tassels bounce on that purse and make a clopping sound like a horse makes. This is just inviting people to think below their minds when you happen to clop up to them. And if you try to hold those tassels it looks totally weird like you are pointing to where you don’t want people to look in the first place. It’s like having a rock in a hard place if you ask me.

Because they don’t think I can pull off fake sex, they gave me one of the old guy roles. I am supposed to be Andrew MacLaren the father of the two girls who fall in love. Since everybody is interested in pretty girls who fall in love and not their old dad I guess they felt safe giving me that part. There are two other old guys who are in the cast but they are much more qualified to play old guys than me by a long shot. For me being an old guy in the play is a stretch of my acting but I think it’s way more natural for them. I also have to speak with a Scottish accident which is no picnic let me tell you. You have to roll your r’s and pronounce a bunch of words wrong like real Scottish people do. This goes against my grains since I am a pickler for correctivity when it comes to words as you would know if you have been following this great blog. But I figured I could at least fake that for art’s sake.

Anyway, like I said, the play is filled with dancing and singing and fake sex, sometimes all at the same time. If you don’t happen to like one of them, you’re sure to get excited about one of the others. So click on the poster if you want to see the play. You will have to buy tickets but you can forget about me seeing any of that money. Somebody else is getting rich off of me for sure. But that’s show business I guess.


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