I Accidentally Read the Bible!

I was sitting in this waiting room waiting to get my teeth checked. Getting your teeth checked is a good idea mostly, but I hate it anyway because of the fact that you have to stretch your face so they can clink around in there. Now I happen to think of my mouth as a privacy issue that people can’t just clink around in like they’re snooping for something which they are. So not only is your face stretched but there’s some person invading your privacy in there and you can’t even tell them to get out of your privacy because you’re paying them to snoop around in the first place. This is what you call a conniption which is an unsolable issue you can’t solve. Mostly it’s a megaphysical issue but when your face is stretched you can just forget about the megaphysical part of it because your face is stretched to the limit and your mouth privacy is violated.

So while I was waiting to have my privacy invaded I was sitting in the waiting room which they have fixed up nice to make you feel relaxed supposedly as if you didn’t know what they were going to do to you. But I’m not going to repeat myself again on this privacy issue of my mouth which I just talked about. Anyway, they have all these magazines and old-time books around. Most people just read the magazines like People or Digestion or Sports Illustrated. I read the People magazine too because you don’t actually read it just look at the pictures of all the Hollywood people who are dressed up and smiling or the ones like Brittany Spear who are basically wacko. All these people in that magazine are supposedly glittered or beautiful. I supposed I shouldn’t talk about that because beauty is in the face of the looker they say and I don’t want anybody to get the impression that I wish I was one of them. I am more into my mind I hope you know.

Anyway, I got through all the People magazines and still was waiting so I got up and looked at the old-time looking books on the self which I think was more for decoration. I saw this one by Charles Dickinson called Great Exertions or something like that and so I pulled it out and sat back down. I opened it, not really planning to read it since I knew that Dickinson was dead and history. If you have been following this great blog you will know that I don’t think history is that big of a deal mostly because it’s over already. But since I was waiting to have my privacy invaded I thought I’d just open it up and read a part because I’m at least cultured more than lots of other people.

So I just open it up in the middle and started to read to myself and I thought it was coming across very weird and not at all like I would have thought. I flipped a couple of more pages and read a little more and finally looked at the cover and found that I was reading the holy Bible! I had this very shaky feeling like there was some weird stuff happening to me. I quickly shut that book and jumped up and put it back on the shelf in the slot open which was right next to the Dickinson book I had wanted in the first place. I was freaked because I have heard of that kind of thing happening. A person reads a bible and the next thing you know is that person gets religion way over the top and nobody can stand being around them anymore. They walk around saying praise the Lord or hallekrishna or other very weirding out stuff like that.

So I sat back down and checked within myself to see if I was turning religious against my will but I couldn’t tell. But that even bugged me more since how would you know if you were turning religious ahead of time? It would be like whoa I’m totally religious now! Then it’s too late and you’re stuck with it. So I quickly grabbed a People magazine to counteract that Bible and even read some of the articles which normally I wouldn’t. After a few minutes I checked inside myself again to see what was going on in there and still couldn’t find anything like religion happening on me. And just to be safe I read a couple more articles from that People magazine to put the quash on any religion left hiding around in me where I couldn’t find it.

This should be a warning to anybody when they are in a waiting room like for getting your mouth privacy invaded or oil changed or something. Be sure to stay away from any old-looking books and stick to magazines with lots of pictures. And you can bet that I’m never going to speak against that lame People magazine since it probably saved me from getting saved against my will.

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