Fritsy Christmas Lights

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So I go up on my roof to put up Christmas lights. I am not a Christmas light person, not even one little bit as I have already talked about so I’m not going to do it again just as a case of points. But the people who live in my house think that Christmas lights are the way to get Christmassy. And since I am not stingy about my life like some people are, I go on the roof to put some up to make everybody in my house happy. Personally I would be satisfied looking out my window at my neighbor’s Christmas lights which at least I can see from my window. But that is not the way to do it I have been told point blank. So up on the roof I go to keep peace on earth.

Well, first I do a strategic thing by testing my strings of lights to see if they work. Out of all of them from the last 15 years, only two work. So I haul those ones up to the roof and start clipping them on my gutters all straight like, which is the only way to honor Christmas. Crooked lights are totally lame. I mean if you’re going to put up Christmas lights at least put them up straight. Otherwise just let your house be boring like the rest of the year.

Anyway, I get the first set up and they work, but then I hook up the second set on the roof and then the first ones don’t all of a sudden. They work before but then they don’t. So there I am up on the roof with a bunch of dead lights. It is no ho ho ho moment, I’m telling you bub. I stand there on my roof and look down on my neighborhood from up there and don’t have even one peace on earth feeling in my body. I’m not proud of it, but honesty is the best poverty as they say. And all because of this tradition that we have to hang Christmas lights on our house once a year. I’m telling you that this tradition totally unyuled me up there on the roof.

So I end up just keeping the working ones up there and bringing the dead ones down again and throwing them in the corner of my garage where they will probably stay until I try them again next year. But that’s not my problem now. My problem is that I have only half a Christmas spirit hanging on my house which is for sure going to be noticed by my neighbors who will think that I’m living in the wrong neighborhood. It probably won’t help that I still haven’t raked up the leaves in my front yard yet either.

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One Response

  1. Made me laugh, thank you

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