New Years Eve

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I have not written on this great blog for a few days mostly due to the fact that I had a megaphysical outtage. But now I have a mental firewall up so that no fake ideas can slip into my mind without me knowing it and bring the whole cotton caboodle down. When you’re a professional at thinking above your mind like I am you can’t take chances.

Anyway, now that Christmas is over everybody pretty much needs to get drunk which is why they invented New Years in the first place. Before Jesus was born there was no such thing as New Years, except for the Chinese who had already figured out how to do it cheap, but there wasn’t a market for it yet so they kept it to themselves until the Christians could get their act together. Well, when Jesus was born the Christians jumped all over the gift giving issue. Then, once the Jews jumped on the bandwagon too, the whole thing took off like fat out of hell and we ended up with credit cards and America.

Which brings us to New Years. Most people don’t know what to do with themselves between Christmas and New Years. Everybody’s sick of cookies and kind of disappointed about what they got for gifts. As I wrote about before here, Christmas is about three months of buildup and then a good solid week of depression. As the saying goes—you reap but so what?

But the great thing about America is that we don’t just sit around and mope about our problems like the Canadians do. (Mostly they complain about America’s problems since they’re not big enough to have their own real ones yet, except for maybe those Frenchies who are trying to have their own country which is a total laugh since nobody would understand them although if they did make up their own country it would probably be a lot cheaper for American speaking Canada due to the fact that they would only have to make money with American words on it instead of having to be bisexual just to keep the Frenchies from making a hole in the Canada map.) Anyway, as for real America, instead of moping, Americans sometimes go to movies or start wars and riots or party until we puke. News Years Eve is more on the puke side of things but with a good dose of rioting thrown in so we don’t end up nuking North Korea out of pent up usurpation, which in my opinion of the matter is that we should drop a few bombs on North Korea while we’re at it (not Canada due to the fact that America puts up with them on account of England), but that’s probably not going to happen this New Years. Still, you can always hope.

Anyway, even though New Years is all about partying, I am more circumcised about it. As a megaphysical professional, I spend most of New Years Eve above my mind—not out of it. (That’s a joke.) This New Years will most likely be no different either, unless I’m interrupted by levity which I hope the mental firewall will guard me against this time. I’ve also put together a list of megaphysical thoughts I’m going to think about all night. Some of them might even turn into concepts if I can stay awake long enough.

So here is the list of some megaphysical questions I’m going to think above my mind about on this New Years Eve to guard myself from accidentally having a good time like everybody else:

  • Why does there have to be a reason?
  • Is evil as bad as people make it out to be or is it?
  • Celery
  • If God exists, how did James Franco get an acting job?
  • Should the movie Into the Woods be turned into a stage musical?
  • Is stupid infinite?

So that’s my plan for New Years Eve. If I get through the list early, I may watch an episode of Pee Wee’s Playhouse before bed. And you probably know how great he is due to my talking about him once.

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