Picking the Best God

March 9, 2017 - Leave a Response

According to a poll—which I accidentally read about except not in a dentist office like the time I accidentally read the Bible which totally freaked me out and you can read about HERE. Anyway, this poll said that over 90% of people who live in America believe in God. And not only that, even 20% of the atheists in this great nation believe in a “higher power” which is like God without a desk. This just goes to show how religious even the unreligious people in America are. This is pretty much due to the fact that we are a nation under God so you can’t get away from him unless you move to Canada or San Francisco.

Now I have said that I do not want to be interrupted with religion on this blog. Most of the time I am dealing with megaphysical issues that require me to think above my mind. This is the reason people like you come to this great blog so that you can get outside your mind sometimes too with my help. So this blog is even higher than a higher power which is pretty impressive if you ask me about it. You can learn more at this great blog than you probably can even put into a religion of the normal size.

But I still have to face the facts of the matter that most people in this country including atheists are religious so that probably means I’m just going to have to bite the bullwhip to straighten things out in the religious department. I don’t really want to do it, but obviously when even atheists believe in god then you’ve got yourself some major megaphysical contusions to sort out. This is right up my alley which most of you should know by now.

prisonerFirst of all I want to point out the matter of fact that anybody can have a god if they want. The nice thing about a democracy is that you can pick what you want for a god without having to get permission from the government. In China, for instance as an example, you have to register your god and wait until they run a background check on him. If he turns up as an enemy of the government or a criminal then he would be rejected as a god for you. In those cases it’s probably best just to check with the list of already approved gods to save time. Though in China they don’t have warranties for them like in the Bible.

In America. which is a democracy except for in Hollywood and Washington DC, you have more choices. Here it’s probably best to choose a god that doesn’t add too many rules to your life. So you might want to avoid things like Jewism that has at least ten rules, unless you are what they call a deformed Jew who doesn’t have to pay attention to the old rules because they probably don’t work much anyway. But choosing a god without any rules is a total waste of time. I mean, what’s the point of having a god in the first place if he can’t tell you what to do at least some of the time? And any respectible religion worth its salts has some kind of commandment stuff in it, even if you all you have to do is just feel good about yourself. So a legit religion needs at least some rules to be a religion in the first place. Otherwise it’s more of a philactic issue.

Another thing is to pick a god that actually gets you something out of the deal. Many gods in the world are really just parachutes that suck megaphysical energy right down the drain and don’t pony up. What a waste. At least you want to get a magic hanky or something. And another thing, don’t pick gods that are pretty much just ticked off all the time or ones that dress in funny costumes. They may work in other countries that are already screwed up (like Iran or Indiana) so who cares? But not in this great country where we still have standards of living. Oh, and in America you should avoid animal gods unless you are a native samaritan and can carve wood. I admit that those toga poles are kind of cool but they’re really hard to take on a trip. Anyway, at least pick a god that gets you something out of the deal—and I don’t mean stuff like becoming one with the cosmos or ending up with your own planet which is like putting money into an IRS which you can’t even get ahold of when you really need it.

Anyway, so after reading about how religious this great country is, I narrowed it down to one god that maybe fills most the requirements that I’ve just talked about, so I won’t repeat myself again. It maybe could work since  lots of Americans already do a ritual with it each morning which gives them a nice inner feeling of upness. Not only that, it’s already known pretty much everywhere and there are lots of places where you can worship with other people or even do a solo drive-through worship thing. In fact, it’s got more worship places than all the other gods in America put together. So if you have to have a god, this may be your best bet, but just not one of those kinds that comes in a can.

coffeegod

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